the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize