so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
