So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
