I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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