dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
