dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize