Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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