I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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