am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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