I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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