today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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