I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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