saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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