where am i from again
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
