I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize