Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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