My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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