just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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