I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
