"it" just moved
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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