The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
