I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize