bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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