If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
