I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
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We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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