i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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