you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I intend to get homeless drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
