I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
