You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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