Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
