i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
