Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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