Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
