Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
