I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
