a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
