well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i've created a new STD.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
