Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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