I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize