he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
