so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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