Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
