He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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