Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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