walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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