Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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