it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
