i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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