I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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