Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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