My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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