It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
