I wish I only lived at night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
