there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
