so that wasnt chicken after all
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
