all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
