guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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