Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
zippers are such a cool invention
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
