I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
