operation harelip BJ is a go
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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