nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
