Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
