I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
