hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
