Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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