why didn't you poke me back
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
