I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
