we have officially lost it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
