There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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