he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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